I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
