I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
