What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
