I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
