my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
