i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
