Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My vagina is officially offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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