she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
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