I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
