um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
