they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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