I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize