Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
