totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
