Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
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i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
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Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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