Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
