I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The power of my boobs compel you
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
