I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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