my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
