please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
