Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
