i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
