The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
