you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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