i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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