everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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