WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize