allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
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People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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