I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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