and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
