dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
