And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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