Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
