I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How naked do you want me to be?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
