You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
