Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
