soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize