OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
