if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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