the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
