it was like his penis was on wheels.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
