It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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