I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
