I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
