she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
