you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
