she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
