Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
