I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
