I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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