just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
