You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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