So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
