how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
