Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
