I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I pour the whiskey from now on
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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