literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
