How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
