I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
