She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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