: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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