Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
