I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
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I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
