are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
