is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think I died a long time ago.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
