Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
