i think my mom watched the whole time
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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