The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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