just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
