i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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