For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
